Another Beginning

I know. Most of you have been down this road with me before....wanting to help, but not quite knowing how. This concept of taking care of myself has been an issue that I have struggled with for a very long time. I can visualize a healthier me but, I keep putting off the actual "doing" of it. I keep thinking that I will start tomorrow. It's scary to realize that many, many tomorrows have already passed and I am in the same unhealthy condition. It's so much easier to just keep drifting along and avoiding those tough issues that I need to face. In a strange way, all of this accumulated fat is like a big huge protective device.....to push people away, to hide behind....I'm actually not quite sure who is really underneath all of these layers anymore. It's frightening to think about peeling back the layers.....because I will be exposed and when you're exposed, you're vulnerable. Perhaps, this is a good reason to blog....to share with myself and my loved ones, to try and dissect what it is that I fear. Self Discipline has never been one of my assets. It almost goes against my very grain.....if I'm disciplined then I can't be spontaneous...at least that's what I always thought. Discipline to me seems so "stuffy"....I never wanted to be tied down by discipline; I wanted to follow my own crazy impulses. The words "boundary" and "balance" come to mind here or "everything in moderation".......(does that mean food too?)

I do lots of thinking in the bathtub...probably way too much thinking in the bathtub. As I sat and relaxed and contemplated, my friend Deb came to mind. Deb has always encouraged me to write but I resist and resist. The act of writing is like vomiting on paper....not sweet, but it does get it out. Words can be powerful.....why then do I resist writing when it can be so very liberating? Holding on to the pain.....I've done a lot of holding on. Anyway, Deb recently created a blog for her talented husband Karl, so that friends and loved ones can live vicariously through his world travels and experiences! My bright idea in the tub, was a blog...a way for me to write and share...a journal of my journey to health and wellness. My goal is to post once daily.....my struggles, my emotions, my accomplishments....my random thoughts.

I owe much to my family and friends for your love and support.

Always,
Ronetta


Topics for Future Introspection

Facing My Fears
Where Did It All Begin?
When Did I Start Neglecting Myself?
Was There a Time that I Was in Control? How Did it Make Me Feel?
Control, Control, Control