Metamorphosis

Thursday I was tired and Friday was an emotional roller coaster. Today was a little crazy too. As I sit here writing, I realize that these are the times that I need to "push" through.....to question, to write, and to find out what's really going on in my heart, and in my head. It's so much easier to just keep doing things the same old way....it's much less painful to just keep plodding along, numbing and desensitising myself from hurt. Fat has been my "protection" and my friend (albeit a bad one) for a very long time. It's hard to let go of something you've had around for so long, even if you know it's bad for you.

To change is work...To change is hard....To change is painful because you have to really look deep, and sometimes you don't like what you see. I haven't liked myself in a long time. I am not quite sure who "Ronetta" is or when she went away. The truth is, I haven't gone away. I am still very much here....struggling, trying to break through this thick protective barrier that I have created for myself. When I looked up the definition of "change" in the dictionary, this was one of the definitions: to transform or convert as in "The witch changed the prince into a toad." When I was a little girl, I remember hearing a story in which my aunt said, "When I go through the change, I want to become a butterfly." Spoken from the mouth of a child....perhaps I needed the cocoon....perhaps the cocoon has served its purpose...protecting me and giving me shelter......perhaps it is time to burst forth and let my newly formed wings unfold.

Love and hugs to all!
Ronetta